Sweater – Esprit
Sweater – Esprit
I’m going to confess something that I’m not sure I should confess but I kind of need to because it’s weighing on me and I need absolution. Here goes:
Andrew often snores, and so I have to wear earplugs because I can’t sleep through it. He was going to be leaving for work at 7am, so he told me he would get up with Baby and wake me just before he left. But at 7am she still wasn’t sleeping and he wondered if he should go up and take my earplugs out, but he decided that he didn’t want to wake me. Not a big deal since I usually hear her crying through the plugs anyway. But I didn’t this time.
I woke up at 8:45am…and panicked! My first thought was irrational – that he had left for work and left her unattended alone downstairs. My second thought was fearful – that something happened to her and she’s not breathing in her crib. I ran into the room and found her lying there wide awake sucking her thumb. That’s when the panic and fear were replaced by sheer, unadulterated guilt. I had neglected her. She might have been there crying awake for an hour and half and no one came for her! Yes, she was safe and could not come to any physical harm in her crib, but the thought that she might have felt neglected or abandoned for so long sent me into a downward spiral of guilt.
I hugged her and apologized to her three times and explained what happened *though she probably didn’t understand* My guilt let her watch two shows that morning and have a cookie as part of breakfast in the living room.
Mother’s guilt!
I felt better the next morning when she slept in until 8:30am – that means I might not have ignored her or if so then perhaps only for 15 minutes. Phew!
I’ve been thinking about my sartorial attitude and I love that I’m really coming out of my own box when it comes to what I buy and wear. I’m no longer afraid of being “cute” with dresses or sweater with penguins on them, and I’m trying things out I wouldn’t have tried before. This top is a case in point. I really liked it when I saw it on the website but I wondered how in the world I would ever wear it, and whether I would actually wear it. But I liked it so much I thought, “I’ll do it. I’ll figure it out when it comes.” And I’m so glad I took a chance because this asymmetrical chiffon top is wonderful, unique and feminine. I’m so glad I took a risk and went outside my comfort zone to try something new.
Earrings – ?; Necklace – F21; Sweater & Top – HUH; Pants – Gap; Boots – Feet First. |
I nabbed these two tops from local Toronto designer boutique HUH. She makes all her own clothes and everything is one of a kind. So if you’re in Toronto, get your butts over to Queen St. West and nab some stuff during their huge winter sale before it’s all gone!
And while we’re on the subject of sartorial treasures, can I say that I never thought I would love skinny velvet jeans, but I do! I love these pants. They seem to go with everything and I really like that they add this rich texture to everything. It just makes every outfit feel just a little bit more special. They were a sale nab as well. Bonus!
It was -25 degrees celcius outside when I did these shots. And I did it just for you! You see I wore this outfit to a recent photo exhibit by Joshua MacDonald
opening in which I was one of the models, but since I headed out in the
evening, I couldn’t get good outfit shots. So I put this on a few days
later for some shots, and then immediately jumped back inside and into
warmer clothes.
Posters for the show on the way in. |
This is one of the nine photos on exhibit – and do you recognize the model??? |
Joshua is really talented. One of his photos won a prestigious award in Ontario and he only just recently graduated! He’s going to take the photography world by storm, and I’m so pleased that I got a chance to shoot with him. This is one person I would work with any day of the week and twice on Sunday!
p.s. I’d love it if you checked out my latest photo shoot here. Thanks a bunch!
p.p.s. I had to turn on word verification on the blog. I was getting a lot of spam! Sorry!
Kissy faces at Baby. |
Cardi – Gap; Belt – thrifted; Dress – Ruche; Tights – Walmart; Boots – Locale. |
Is it wrong that I don’t want to shop? ‘Cause I don’t. I have a bit of X-mas and B-day money saved up and stored, but I really don’t want to buy anything. I see all the beautiful sales, both online and in store, on some great pants, and dresses, but I don’t have the urge to get anything. Is that weird? I think it’s a bit weird for me. Usually, there are at least a few things that I have my eye on, but right now even those things are on sales but I’m like, “meh.”
It’s not a bad feeling, just an odd one right now. But I’ll go with it.
I’m sad to see things go though, like this cardi. You can’t tell so much in the photos but it’s been washed until it looks horrible, and the wool is pilling. So I think it’s going into the donate pile. Alas, it’s been a good dear friend, but all good things…
Sweater – swapped; Dress – Ruche; Tights – Hue; Boots – Locale. |
So you know how yesterday I said that I tackled my first sewing project with my brand new sewing machine? Well, this is the result of what I did.
As I mentioned, I felt the dress was a tad too short for my comfort, so I wanted to let down the hem. It wasn’t as easy as it sounded. See that top horizontal pleat? Well, it was completely attached to the dress, so first I had to remove the whole thing. Then open it making it a double horizontal pleat, and iron it. Then I had to attached it back onto the dress, with a finished stitch so it doesn’t fray. And lastly, I had to fold the hem and finish the new hem of the dress.
It just looks like there were meant to be two double pleats now. And I felt so great wearing it: proud and finally comfortable with the length! It’s amazing what three inches can do. I think I did pretty well for my first solo mission. What do you think?
On a totally separate note…
I really, really need to find a martial arts school to study at. I’ve been out of the studio for far too long and there’s only so much that self-motivation can do. But my problem is two-fold. One, I can’t find a place that I really like. I’ve looked at probably a dozen schools all over Toronto to find an art that I really want to study. I’ve tried Muay Thai, BJJ, Karate, Tai Kwon Do, MMA, Krav Maga, and various blends of these, and I have yet to find something that I love as much as Kung Fu. So that’s my first and major dilemma. Two, it has to be affordable. I’m not rolling in wads of dollars, so the place I go to has to be affordable. But the issue of fees is really secondary to finding something that I truly love.
You know what you want to do, and that you love doing it, but you’re having trouble finding a place that reflects you. Have you ever felt that way?
Cardi – Esprit; Dress – Ruche (sold out); Tights – Walmart; Boots – Locale; Bag – Matt by Matt&Nat; Belt – ??. |
I don’t like getting older. In fact, I hate the prospect. I know I should embrace it, yadda, yadda, yadda, but I don’t want to get older. I don’t want to get wrinkles. I don’t want grey hair. I don’t want to have to harness my boobs to keep them up. Etc. Etc. When I do, I’ll deal with it and try to age gracefully, but I don’t want to get older. I want to have my current mind but go back in time physically to 21…and stay there.
I’m thinking I might have to become an immortal, you know like the Highlander. And the awesome bonus is that I’d have a reason to always carry a sword! I’m a big fan of swords; I own and study several kinds. Plus, there are thousands of ways to accessorize that trench coat he uses to hide the sword, and I could do each and every one of them!
Yeah, I know. It’s not going to happen. I get it. All I’m saying is, I hate getting older.
And it’s not just the physical. I hate it because I had a very different picture of what my life would be like right now. Some of it is better, some of it isn’t. Some of it is better than I imagine, but some of it is also worse. I had a lot of things I wanted to achieve by a certain time. Yes, I can still do a lot of those things, but some I can’t. Some of them have a time limit, and that’s just how it is. So I’m trying to somehow accept and embrace the reality of what is and look at all the things still ahead of me.
But I’m having trouble. Maybe it’s a character failing, but I really feel like my twenties slipped through my grasp, like I look back and I can’t even remember where they went and why things happened the way they did.
Sweater – Esprit; top – hand me down; Scarf – Old Navy; Jeans – Gap; Boots – Locale. |
Someone said to me, “Blog like no one will read it.” I thought about how that’s great advice. I don’t really expect anyone to read my blog, it’s so sweet and amazing to me that anyone does, but I can’t totally blog like no one is reading. Trust me, I’ve tried. In response, I got criticism, complaints and even hate email *I’m not even kidding*. No, it’s not that I have very outlandish or weird opinions about things, it’s just that I have strong opinions about things, and I have strong thoughts about things.
And I’m honest.
That get’s me in trouble.
So, I can’t blog like no one is reading, but I can blog as honestly as possible.
And that’s a challenge in itself, because we all lie. Not consciously, or intentionally, but we all do, even to ourselves. Actually, especially to ourselves. We lie to make things better, to make them bearable, to sugar coat, and to rationalize things to ourselves. I think with total and complete honesty we would all soon have a breakdown. Sometimes you need a good lie. Sometimes I even believe it.
Scarf – street stand; Dress – H&M; Sweater – Esprit; Tights – F21; Boots – Locale. |
I said you would be seeing a lot of these boots and I did not lie! I’m wearing them pretty much all the time since it’s really cold and I’m not one to suffer for fashion like that. Oh, and this dress is so awesome. I wore the exact same one all the time when I was pregnant, just one size larger to accommodate the, well, the girls, and the growing belly. Best ‘maternity’ gear ever!
Thanks so much you guys for the well wishes yesterday regarding my shoot. I think I did okay. And you know, it’s so much easier when you place yourself in the hands of someone you have full confidence in, like Daniel. He’s honestly so amazing and just guides you to some great shots, so that made it a lot easier. And well, I certainly gave the neighbors a show running around in fishnet stocking, boots and apron! I promise I will share something – even if it’s just behind the scenes shots – as soon as I can.
Cardi – Esprit; White top – Smart Set; Ruffle Top – swapped; Jeans – Guess; Boots – Threadsence; Earrings – F21; Belt – AE. |
This fun ruffly top is one of my scores from a recent clothing swap. So much fun! I love swapping clothes with fabulously fashionably females. It’s a great chance to hang out and catch up and get some cool clothes for free! I’m thinking I need to host one in the spring.
I was tweeting about this recently – and dialoging about it on Twitter with some awesome people – but it’s prevalently on my mind right now: we women need to support one another more. The circle of women – both in real life and online – that I work with all rise together. We succeed together by boosting one another. I think that’s the difference – seeing success as rising together, not getting ahead at the expense of someone else.
Our gender has had it hard enough, and still does. Shall we not help and encourage one another?
How do you support the women in your life?