Kissy Faces

I don’t send kissy faces. Ever.

Nothing personal against you if you do, except that I don’t think we can ever communicate via anything that has the potential of sending a photo. And I might just block you if you do.

The grandpa on the porch drinking a bourbon and yelling at random strangers? He’s more my jam. And if he were to send a photo, it’d likely be a frown or a scowl, or at best, a smirk. That’s what you’ll get here folks. If y’all want a happy blonde to tell you that life is perfect with an iced frappe thing and a ‘when God closes a door, he opens a window’ you certainly came to the wrong place. You’re more likely to get a snarky, dirty, vulgar remark that instagram will censor as not being ‘ up to community standards’ to approve as an ad than you are to get all that.

And knowing who you all are, I’m likely to get inundated with your kissy faces now….all I got to say about that is BRING IT BIATCHES!!!

P.S. I love y’all from my dark and twisted blackened coal heart.